Monday, September 22, 2008

Realizations of A Mom

I wrote this a while ago, but am just now finishing it up. Better late than never. 

Tonight was the last night my mom was with us before she heads back to Knoxville. She convinced Nathan to blow off work a bit early and take me out to dinner and take advantage of the free babysitter while he had it! Work has been crazy for him lately, so it took a lot for him to take a few hours out of the house. Anyway, we went to one of our favorite places, Bricktops, because we had a really bad server last time we went there and had a free meal waiting on what better night - a free babysitter and a free meal! 
So after some good food (too much!) and a nice night out, we headed home and on the way home, Nate asked me what I thought about being a mom...just in general I guess. And while I'd love to be able to rattle off an answer, it took me a minute to process what I felt about it, other than sheer, utter, and constant joy.

I finally was able to verbalize something I hadn't even thought through when I said it...becoming a mom has helped me realize my own needs. It seems pretty basic and may not even make much sense, but what I've realized over the past few weeks is that as I've gotten older, my needs have been able to be met without me even realizing they're met. Aiden's every need has to be met by me. I think as we get older, we forget the innocence of being a child and the dependence that comes with that. I realized in taking care of Aiden that I, even as an adult, still have needs and those needs are not ridiculous, but real.  In growing up, I have tended to put those needs aside. I think we all do. And not by intention, but by society's encouragement towards independence. Despite what "they" say (whoever "they" might be),
 God created each of us with needs...many I might add. And just because we age doesn't mean those needs disappear...though it seems they do as we gain control over our lives and are able to fulfill needs for ourselves, negating our "need" for the basics. In fact, in some senses, they may even increase.  Even though we are encouraged to push our own needs aside in pursuit of meeting the needs of others, either by necessity or choice, we still have needs. 

My own realization of all this has only come in the moments I've had time to think about life since becoming a mother. While I have realized much, one of the things I have become more and more aware of as I care
 for Aiden is my own need(s) and how those are met.  Among other things I have a need to be loved. That need is met by Nathan, my parents, my friends, and whoever I choose to let close enough to love me. However, my need to be loved is ultimately met by my Father, who meets all my needs either directly or indirectly. This fact is often forgotten as we grow into adulthood, but of which I have been reminded of in so many ways, small and large as Aiden has entered my world. My needs are so small, and seem so insignificant to me, yet they are just as important to my Father as they were when I entered the world. They are met in exactly the same way, albeit it looks different to me.  

So I as I sit back and look at my "new," crazy, insane life with this precious new addition, as I begin to feel out who I am now that I'm Kara AND mom AND wife AND daughter AND sister AND friend, I see how full circle my life has become. And as I find time, I hope to discover the significance of my needs and getting a glimpse at how they are's so simple to Him, no matter how complex my life seems to get.  


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