Tuesday, May 21, 2013

There are times in life you never want to forget and times in life you wish you'd never remember. I've had my fair share of both in my short 33 years on this earth and today witnessed one of my kids having a moment they might not want to forget but likely will as at four years old I'm not sure how many truly lasting memories you take with you along the journey of life. The awesome part for him is that in today's world we have every type of video and picture memory available in case your brain chooses to forget. Pretty remarkable. But regardless, it was a day for the books.

As I watched my little dude run (yes, literally run) across the stage to get his diploma I couldn't help but wonder how quickly the years will pass until he is doing that for high school and then college...and I realized how special each moment is, whether we think it's worth documenting with a video or not and how I never want to take any of them for granted.  The innocence and sheer joy that exudes in Aiden is contagious and reels you in.  His heart is big and his laugh is bigger. He is smart, so smart, and is reading, writing, doing math, and teaching me things all at the same time. It enamors me that he still loves to cuddle and I think every time I do it he might not ever ask me again, so I always do it, always. And when I do I dream of one day when I am small and he his big and he is cuddling me and not the other way around. And I melt.  My little dude graduated today. 

In a few short months I will send him off to kindergarten and I will be a mess that day for sure. I held it together today. Mostly because I had a lot going on in my head and heart but also because I wanted to enjoy it and find the joy in it and not the sadness. And I did. I was dealing with a hurtful situation of my own parents not understanding me, and hurting me out of their own pain and sadness. There is a difference in being sad and going through some tough things on your own and dealing with them, seeing the for what they are and talking through them and hurting others out of your own pain and suffering. Misplaced anger, fear, sadness, and hurt was put on me to deal with and feel responsible for...but I am not responsible for their choices and though I can't change them or their choices I can change mine. 

As a result of this situation I was reminded that I never want Aiden to feel like I feel now about me. If I can't talk to him abut how I feel or how he's made me feel I have failed as a parent. It's the one thing I have learned in my marriage that is a requirement for life working according to how God sees us fitting into his plan. His plan is bigger, brighter, and more brilliant than ours could ever be for ourselves. I pray Aiden (and Teagan) shine "bright like a diamond" in all they do...they are only loaned to me for a short time and I want to do my due diligence to make sure they are living up to the potential God saw in them before they were even a thought on my mind. 

What a short time he's been on this earth and what more he has to see and learn and experience. I can't wait to walk the road with him - on the good days and bad. Best of times and worst. He's going to do amazing things. Of this I am sure. So best of luck to my little buddy...onward and upward to Kindergarten we go! (A whole other kind of emotions to be had I'm sure!)