karaspeak

This past weekend was an all-out celebration for our impending arrival of BGT. Still no name yet, so it is what it is. We're working on it and talked the names in question over with everyone all weekend, so we have some good feedback and we'll just keep working. I think one day it'll just hit like Aiden's did.

Anyway, on to the weekend. Meghan, Parker, Phillip, and Fran all arrived on Friday night and after some catching upand waiting on dear Nathan to get home from work, we headed out to Mellow Mushroom for some yummy pizza. We hopped around downtown Franklin, did some "belly dancing" (preggo style), and had a great time catching up on old times and talking about those to come - hello, beach trip!

The next day was shower day! Mom and I were up early and setting up in the Clubhouse and getting ready for the company. The other helpers arrived just in time and made the place look like a pink palace of all things baby! Kari and Andrew arrived that morning and by the time the shower rolled around, the room looked great and all the decorations turned out fabulous. We were ready for a girlie good time while the boys took their day of play in downtown Franklin.

The cake was super cute and super yummy! The girls (in leiu of playing silly games) got to design their own onesies! It was a fun activity and something really special for the girls to give Baby Girl. They turned out so cute...even with a few mishaps.

BGT got lots of great gifts and I feel so much more prepared, especially if she decides to make her grand entrance a little early. But let's all hope she continues to incubate for a little while longer! We gave out some yummy cookies for party favors and sent everyone on their merry way after a great great day!



We went back to Casa de Tabler to relax for a few before heading out to dinner with our little group. After a few failed attempts at making it to eat, we finally ended up at our hometown favorite and let everyone meet our staff and friends at Pueblo Real. Gotta love it. I had a great time this weekend, and hopefully everyone else did as well...including my number one baby boy.

Thank you to everyone who drove from all over, and those who walked from down the street, to make this day so special for me, for BGT, and for my family of three, soon to be four. I am so blessed. I can't wait to meet this little girl who'll change our little world. I love you all!

Today we had our 33 week check up and ultrasound to check in on BGT and make sure she is still growing even though I am not! These visits always make me nervous, not because I fear something will be wrong, but for probably the very same reasons I fear having two kids in the house before I actually HAVE to kids in the house - what we tell ourselves in our minds is often so very different in reality. And though, at times, it is worse in reality than it is in our minds, so very many more times it is not...and this is my hope!

So anyway, all seems well and fine in the little one's world. My fundus (or my preggo belly in layman's terms) did manage to grow a week over the two that have passed since my last visit, so I'm now at 27 weeks. And our little peanut is measuring fine right around 31 weeks - so just 2 weeks behind, even though the space she's living in is 6 behind! How this is possible, I do not know. But it is my pregnancy reality...it was very similar with Aiden, I just thought it would be different with my second. Oh well. The bad news, if you can call it that, is that her growth dropped from the 42nd percentile to the 21st, so half of what it was a month ago. And even though she wants me to start eating 1,000 more calories at day (WHAT!?! Not possible.), my doctor isn't concerned quite yet, and won't be until she drops below the 10th percentile. We go back in two weeks for normal weight, fundus, dialation check, and will more than likely have another U/S the week after that. So we'll have a better idea in then, so just hanging on for that visit.

It's funny, though, having regular ultrasounds and taking the opportunity to get to "know" your child before they arrive. Seeing the way they reside in the small space they've been given and wondering how that will coincide with how they will reside in the large space they explore when they are released! Aiden still has so many mannerisms that he did in the womb, and I love the fact I had the opportunity to recognize that. BGT has the same little profile that Aiden did and THANK GOODNESS her head is smaller! :) Hooray! There are days I say I'm ready for her to be here 1) so I can meet her, 2) so I can stop having somone kick my rib cage all night, and 3) so I can put to bed the fear that I have and hope is worse than reality. But then I realize I really am not quite ready. God knows that too, thankfully, and doesn't grant my wish when I do voice it. It's allowing me some precious time with Aiden right now. As awful as it is having Nate gone all day, my "Boogs" and I have been able to have some amazing time over the last week or so, and I really enjoy it. I enjoy the mess out of him and never want him to feel neglected or "less" than this new person that will soon be coming in to take over the world as he knows it. I love that he loves to cuddle with me in the afternoons and at rest time and bed. I never want that to go away. And while I know it will, I am doing what I can so savor each moment (even if it's stressful) that I have with him.

So, here we sit, BGT and I, as we play the waiting game in these last few weeks of her time with me in the quiet, small space she lives in. So protected, so safe, so silent. Let's hope and pray the next few weeks are as quiet, as sane, as safe, as productive (there is still so much to do!), and enable us to truly enjoy the time we have as a trio.

I realize I already have a posting with this title...so I added MORE...meaning there are LOTS more changes upon us even without the addition of BGT. Not sure how her arrival is going to impact this house, but know maybe there will be a Ch Ch Ch Changes volume three by the time she arrives!

That being said, February has found us in the midst of lots of change. We closed out January with two solid weeks of having Nate at home not working and that meant LOTS of family time and soaking up of the little bits of heaven we get in being able to be home together. He did spend his last week painting the nursery, guest bedroom and bathroom, and Aiden/BGT's bathroom. It was a big job, but we are both glad it is done. Pictures to come.

To top the week off, we got snowed in the last weekend of January with about 6 inches of dumped on snow that hit Nashville. It was quite a bit of snow for this area and something you don't see all too often. It was COLD, too! Even too cold for Aiden to be outside longer than a few minutes at a time, which says a lot. For those of you who know him, you know he is not faint of heart when it comes to cold or hot weather, so for him to NOT want to be outside, this said a lot. Regardless, we still had to say good-bye to dear old dad on Sunday afternoon as a cab driver made the trek to take him from here to the airport so we didn't have to be out in the mess.

And that was the beginning of the end.

The end, that is, of our three year stint of Nate working at home. While he have seasons of insanely long hours (like 2 am) and sometimes quite a bit of travel, we have really all three been at home together since Aiden joined us, and Nate and I before his arrival. So Aiden and I sent him off to DC amidst a flurry of tears being shed from both of us, and luckily the little dude didn't realize what I knew - just how much the days to follow would continue to bring change, and with it, more tears. Don't get me wrong, this is a GREAT opportunity for Nate, working for Deloitte,  doing what he had been with his previous employer. With the economy the way it is, the fact that a job found him, and such a great one at that, says enough about the calibur of guy I am blessed to be married to. But, the reality of leaving every day and being gone for 8 - 12 hours is not so much appealing, when on most days, I know I could walk about 17 stairs and see his face. Boo.

Anyway, his training went great, and he returned to us on Tuesday night, just in time to see the deluge of rain that has been pummeling us since the snow left. Fun! But the next day brought with it the reality that he was indeed going to be leaving us every day. Every day. Every day. Ugh. I just don't know if I can do it. Luckily, this first week of February brought with it it's own share of projects for me, so during the day, I was so busy I didn't really allow myself to think about his absence. But in the few seconds of any downtime, I realized he was gone in a matter of seconds, and was hit with the realization that so much had changed. And in the same token, made me so very grateful for the man that he is.

I don't think many couples, married or not, have the kind of relationship we have, but it is one for which I am so blessed to be involved in. Nathan is truly my best friend and partner. He is an amazing father, and does so much to help me, and to be active in Aiden's world. To see him interact with Aiden as a father every day, and to have him help me in the ways that he does be it in the big or small things is more beneficial than I could probably express in any format. He knows me. He knows when I'm stressed and need a break from work, wife, mother, housekeeper, financeer, chauffeur, and friend. When he was home, he could encourage me, help me, listen to me, give me time that he didn't have, even if it meant five minutes. With him gone, I feel his absence more than I have ever wanted to know it.  It's deafening. His absence has made me realize how very much he does in every day, from Swiffering the floor every morning, to giving Aiden his bath every night, and how very much I will miss having those things done not only for me, but for us...and how very lucky I am.

So this week we have been very sad. I feel a loss I cannot put into words. We are still connected, and we will continue to be, that will never change. But my ability to connect with him face-to-face at any time of the day has gone, and with it, a part of myself that I can't get back. I am sad. I am scared. What will this be like when we have a baby girl who won't get the same kind of time with her dad that Aiden has had and benefitted so very much?  I am sad for Aiden, who LOVES the mess out of his "Dada." I know he is too young to remember this time, but it has been priceless for me to be a part of their relationship from the outside looking in and see the bond and the love that they have in this unique father-son relationship. Aiden is such a Daddy's boy, in a good way, the way you want to see a father and son connect. It makes me sad I won't get to see this during my work days. He is sad, too, and knows my pain. He now drives 45 minutes one way to work and realizes that in total, it's an hour and a half he'd rather be spending at home. We are sad.

This, too, shall pass...or so they say. A part of me doesn't want it to pass. I want to grieve this and feel the weight of it.  I hope it passes one day, I'm just not ready yet. This week was hard. Almost more than I could take. But He never gives us more than we can take. So, I guess it was just enough to make it hard...hard enough to lean right where I should be leaning and nowhere else.