karaspeak

Me: Hello. My name is Kara. I am a vampire addict.
Group: Hello, Kara.

Yes, as much as I hate to admit being a follower of sorts, two weeks ago, I, probably much like many of you have just finished a chapter of my life by finishing what seems more than 300 chapters of the vampire series, Twilight. A friend of mine was finishing the series and gave me the first book in the series, Twilight, for my birthday. As I began reading, I was truly hooked within a matter of pages. It became my evening ritual. I would go to bed around 10 and give myself about thirty minutes to read. The habit served more than one purpose - one, to get my brain engaged and reinstate my love for reading, two - to help me turn off the TV before bed and minimize the stimulating effect of the LED light on my brain, thus allowing me to sleep better, and three - helping me go to bed at a decent hour so I could get up early with my little one. I guess those goals are null and void if you end up reading for more than an hour and are so insanely heightened by what you're reading that you just keep turning pages. As one might imagine, many nights that half hour was prolonged, but I justified it by the fact that I missed a few nights here and there.

Anyway, I don't really have a point other than to rave about my massive love of this series - Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. How in the world I got addicted to reading about vampires and werewolves, I have no idea, but in the course of discussing this series with people as I encounter them, I discovered one glaring fact that separates all readers of the books. You are either an Edward (vampire) or Jacob (werewolf) adorer (is that a word?) . If you read the books, you'll know what I mean, but typically, no one likes (or maybe loves is more appropriate here) both of them. Bella, our heroine in question, must essentially decide if she is an Edward or a Jacob. And thus, we as readers must choose. So for the record, I'll go ahead and stake my claim as an Edward. Some of you may think I am crazy and some of you may not have the slightest clue what I'm talking about, but I am an Edward. Why? Well, I thought you might ask. Just for insanity's sake, I'll discuss briefly and let you all go out and read the book to decide for yourselves.

- Edward is smart, intellectual, and learned
- Edward protects the people in his life to the ends of the earth
- Edward is emotional and shows anger as easily as he shows tenderness
- Edward is the "tall, dark, and handsome" most girls dream of
- Edward has a chiseled body, cut like stone
- Edward is strong, both physically and emotionally
- Edward has this indescribable statuesque quality
- Edward is debonair, smooth, and masterful with words
- Edward knows how to talk to a lady to make her feel like the center of his world
- Edward has impeccable taste
- Edward dresses to the nines
- Edward drives fast, and always in out of this world cars
- Edward can make any girl blush at the drop of a hat with his sensual nature
- Edward is drop dead sexy with the way he tunes in to every piece of you
- Edward is completely in tune with the thoughts of his woman (and hers is the only mind he can't read!)

There are countless things I could ramble off about Edward, but these are a few of the reasons I am a fan of Edward, not that Jacob is not great or even most of these things, but he just displays them differently than Edward does. Edward reminds me of my Nathan...with the small exceptions in that Nate does not drink blood for his diet, is not invincible (much to my chagrin), and won't live forever. He's just my cup of tea.

To the new year...to say the least. At our house, we have seen our fair share of interesting events over the past few weeks and I can't say they have all been "good," so I'm not sure if it indicates bad things are in store for 2009, or if it's just a way to test our capacity for "stuff." Regardless, it got me thinking about the past few years and all we've gone through and realized that we are indeed still here. I pinched myself just to be sure. Though we didn't experience a lot of peril, danger, or death in previous years, we have had our fair share of experience, and "process" as we like to call it in our house. And though most people shy away from the tough stuff of life that brings you from one side to the other, we seem to find ourselves embracing it ever more gratefully each time we find ourselves there. The theme we embraced for 2008 was EMBRACE THE CHAOS. With a move, a pregnancy, the birth of our son, our parent's move, job changes, and seeming loss, there were not many other ways to see it than utter chaos.

And while at first, the thought of chaos to a TYPE A, Monica-esque freak of perfection nature strikes utter fear and panic into my very being, I learned (with lots of help, I might add) that if I embrace it and welcome it into my world, God would have so much more to teach me in the chaos...and ultimately on the other side. So as it appears from the first few weeks of 2009 that this year will hold only more chaos than the year we just left, I feel so much more equipped to handle the unknown. Not only for myself, but for Nathan, for Aiden, our friends, our family...hopefully I can provide insight to their chaos, meaning to their struggles, support in their times of trial.

I am holding on for dear life to this ride of a lifetime. We only get one shot at it, so I might as well make the best of the shot I've been given, even if it means facing sadness, pain, fear, or hard times. Thankfully we made it through the adventures of the past few years and hopefully they'll pale in comparison to what we face in the coming years, not because they are any less choatic and insane, but because we are better equipped with the vision to bear in the process of getting to the other side.

How can it be that my little one has grown
From the baby in my belly to sitting on his own?
His sweet little face and big brown eyes
Remind me each day how fast time flies.
To the doctor we went to get weighed and measured
More shots this time 'round, much to my displeasure
On the scale he went weighing 13 and some change
My little peanut's still in the 5% range,
But from his head to his toes his length is 23,
Baby Aiden is growing up - fast like a weed!
Next up was his check, which means he gets shots
Four big ones this time, and since Mom does not
Do well with the sight of my boy in pain,
I enlist Daddy Nate to help keep me sane
By holding him down while the nurse does her thing
Before I know it it's over, I hear his crying.
With the visit almost done, I get to cuddle my boy
Hold him tight in my arms, as I shed a tiny tear of joy.
It's so hard to believe we're standing here at six months
Of age. It's gone by so fast, in a flash, all at once
He went from brand new to this in a blink of an eye.
I can only imagine how much faster time will fly
From this point forward, as he changes and grows
Into a toddler, a man, and God only knows
The path he will take as he ventures through life,
But I pray every day for his path and his wife.
As much as I dread the fact that he's getting older
I know he has to grow up, but he'll allways have my shoulder
To lean on, to sleep on, to surpass with his height,
Hard to see it now, but it gives me such delight
That I'll be able to watch this little boy live
Come to know God, how to love, and how to forgive.
A part of me and a part of my Nate
Our little Booger Bear can hardly wait
To walk, to talk, to run around and play
But I can wait for those days as I relish in today.
There's a three month pause before going back to the doc
No shots at that visit, but we'll be setting the clock
Forward again as three more months pass by
And I'm sure I'll be wondering what happened and why
He has to grow up and why it goes by so fast
But I'll be relishing that moment with new moments passed.
My prayer for my Aiden as the months and years fly
Is that he would know Jesus Christ and that he came to die
So he could live and be free to experience a journey
With the ultimate result being heaven for eternity.

My little teething guy on his six month "birthday"

Aiden plays with his glow-worm from Eliot on his quilt from Great-Grandma Poage

The last week of 2008 was a blur, and I'm sure the next 52 of 2009 promise much of the same. With a nearly six-month old clawing at my heels, I can only imagine where this next year will go. As I think back, I can see such growth in 2008. Despite the fact that I did not set any specific goals, per se, I can see a new person in the shoes of the girl that began this year. Among some of the highlights I recall.

Being pregnant, and with it:
- Achieving a healthy pregnancy
- Gaining a new perspective on eating, body image, and weight.
- Finishing a 5k race at 7 months pregnant. And enjoying it.
- Becoming a mom

Becoming a mom, and with it:
- Learning to balance time as a mom and time as a wife.
- Realizing my capacity to love is so much greater than I could have ever imagined.
- Seeing God's compassion for me, his child, with a new set of eyes.

Stepping out in faith to move, and with it:
- Watching God fill the gaps we thought would exist (with finances, with friendships, with relationships, with when leaving everything we knew.
- Being a part of my parents own journey into their next phase of life.
- Meeting some incredible people who have challenged me to grow deeper as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, and child of God.

There is so much more, but these are the main things that stick with me as I look back.

As I look forward, I have set a few goals for 2009...and I hope to attain most (if not all) of them. My Type A personality needs goals, though the time I have is spent so differently now, I hope they don't become to unrealistic after a month! The compounding factor to this year is that I also reach a major milestone as regarded in this human life I have to live...yes, the almighty 30 finds me in 2009. And while I am not driven by numbers, I do have some things on my list to accomplish...more than half of which I have already achieved, and will detail in another posting, as it doesn't belong here. So on with the things I seek in 2009 in no specific order (I know, appalling!):

• Read the Bible every day
• Finish 12 books, novels, etc. (books, not magazines!)
• Run a half marathon
• Go on a date once a week. (with my hubby of course; see note* for further clarification)

* This term "date" does not mean spend money on a meal, but just spend time out
of the house and on our own away from Aiden to remember that we are first and
foremost, husband and wife. Even if that means spending time at the good old
Border's for some one on one reading and coffee. Regardless, to get out of the
house and talk, dive in, breathe, and appreciate one another.

• Build deep and lasting friendships (dig deep into others' lives and not let myself or them get away with surface level conversations, or to let myself shy away from reaching out)
• Find a church home
• Pay off a loan
• Take at least one vacation (like how I say, "at least one"? I will gladly welcome more!)
• Worry less, encourage more

That's what comes to me now. I may add to it as I go forward, but we'll see how these go first. What's the biggest thing you seek in 2009?