karaspeak

Early last Thursday morning, March 18, Nathan and I headed to Baptist Hospital in Nashville (along with my photographer Dad) to welcome our new baby girl. Our induction was scheduled at 7:15 a.m., so after a great morning full of fun questions and a Pitocin drip to bring on contractions, my water broke about 9 a.m. and we were off and running to meeting our newest family member. Labor went really smoothly, all things condsidered...it is "labor" after all. My amazing friend Kari arrived around 10 a.m. to keep me company and alleviate the pain from my mind. And that she did...her presence made the pain, and the mood better all around. It was nice for me to have someone there to talk gossip mags and discuss Hollywood drama with during contractions and nice for Nathan to not have to be the only one losing circulation to his hands as I squeezed! After Noon, I finally decided to get the epidural and despite it not working after the first dose, things started moving really quickly and baby girl was moving fast to make her debut. We were able to get it resolved just in time and within the hour, it was time to push, so everyone (except Nate) was rushed out about 1:30 p.m. and after two good pushes/contractions, we welcomed our sweet girl.

Teagan Elyse Tabler was born at 1:40 p.m. She weighed in at 5 pounds, 2 ounces, and is 18 inches long (a stretch for sure, but a foot and a half exactly!).

As most of you know, we took a L-O-N-G time to decide on her name and while we have gotten question after question about whether or not it is a family name, alas, it is not. And while it would be WAY easier to say it is...reality is it's not...So...I feel the need to let people know what it does mean and how we happened upon it. (Thanks, Megs for the reminder to do this!) Most of you know both Nathan and I have Irish in our background - you can see the history of my maiden name here if you're really bored.  We named Aiden (of Irish descent meaning "little fire") what we did mostly because of it's meaning and descent. We thought it would be appropriate to do the same for our daughter. While we initially sought names beginning with "A" to keep the consonance going with our kiddos, we just didn't like many of them and couldn't settle on an A-name. We happened across Teagan on one of our searches, and it just stuck with us. It carried into the final five, and finally made it to the final two...and well, we know it's her name, so there it is. Elyse was originally going to be Ellis, a name we liked from the beginning since it's Greek/Hebew and means "Jehovah is God" which we pray she learns at an early age. To make it more feminine, we just bumped it out to Elyse. And that's the story. :)

Teagan means "beautiful, attractive," but also means "wise little poet." Most of you know I like to write (whether I'm good at it or not is questionable, but I do enjoy it), and both of us pray she is beautiful, not only inside but out.
Elyse means "God is my vow (oath)." And like Ellis, it is of Greek/Hebrew descent. We pray she comes to know this early and hold this as truth as she grows into a young woman.

The family (even Aiden) were all in the room within minutes of her arrival. They tell me I made it look easy...but maybe it was just a teeny baby ready to get into this great big world!  It was easier than Aiden, given that 1) her head was smaller and 2) she was a full pound smaller! The entire thing is most certainly a miracle from beginning to end...and we are amazed to be just small vessels in the process.

We headed home on Saturday afternoon and introduced Teagan to her new home, new room, new bed, and new life. My parents were still in town, and we took our celebratory trip to Pueblo Real to introduce her to our Mexican restaurant family, who all fell in love with her. Mom and Dad left Sunday afternoon and Nate and I are on our own this week. Aiden is enjoying being a big brother and has already named her "TT" since he can't quite get the full name together. He loves counting her fingers and toes, teaching her where her nose is, what sound her ears make, and pointing out that big long tongue. He is certainly very sweet with her and I am excited to see how he will grow into his role.

While the worst is certainly not over, we are home and ready to see what this new phase of life will bring us. A lot of changes, to be sure, but a lot of love and beauty with which to fill it. We are so very blessed.

I've attached an album with a "high level" view of the birth of our second little miracle. Enjoy...more to come!

http://picasaweb.google.com/randydown/31810TeaganElyseTablerBorn?authkey=Gv1sRgCNaUzq-i7eGRMw&feat=email#

Love you all...your prayers and support are so very much appreciated. Can't wait to introduce her.

So, I'm posting twice in one day, or at least trying to, just because I know it's been a few days since I wrote and wanted to update on BGT and our emotions as we lead up to her arrival.  I think I've done a fair job of keeping everyone in the loop, as difficult as it has been for me to do so. I don't do a very good job at reaching out to people when I need help and instead just kind of take the approach that everyone else has enough stuff of their own to deal with, they don't need to add mine, too. Not the right approach, I know, but I finally did take some steps to deal with that and well, it turned out much better than I expected and it has been amazing to see God work in the lives of people around me to minister to me with His words, and their experience. Both of which I needed.

The long and short of it is that all of this new stuff coming my way really scares the mess out of me and I fear I won't really have what it takes to do it. In a nutshell, that's it. Seems really lame when I see mothers of four who have showered and are dropping their kids off at 9 am - if they can do it, I can do two, right?! Yes. I can. It's just that my perfectionist, Type A, control freak, Monica personality comes out when I start to think about the actuality/reality of it all coming true and what it will be like and will I be able to handle it, and what will happen to Aiden, and will I shower again, and Nathan won't spend the same amount of time with her that he has had with Aiden and how will that impact her as she gets older and needs a Dad, and ... well, you get the point. And endless stream of worry...in a nutshell.

BUT...

I am coping. I am dealing. And with the help and strength of some amazing sisters around me (and an awesome husband who supports me more than I could ever imagine possible with all he already has going on), I have been able to see light instead of dark at the end of this road. And a light I am VERY excited to meet! :)

All of that to say...the past few weeks have been rough becucase of the setbacks we've had with our doctor visits and the "not great but not bad" news we seeem to get each week. Seems like she's just kind of hanging on for us until we can get her out safely. Two weeks ago, I had already begun to lose weight, which typically happens the week of delivery (or did with Aiden), so my doctor wasn't thrilled about that. After another ultrasound, we found she isn't getting quite as much blood flow as we'd like her to be getting, and with the weight loss, the concern exists that she isn't growing enough inside and may need to come out to do her thing.  So, we found ourselves trying to make it to week 37. We have, which is awesome, but this week's visit wasn't much better. After being told to eat everything in sight, I was visited by a nice fun round of the stomach bug, which obviously didn't help matters any. No weight gain this week. Boo. Then last night, I spent three hours in triage on the monitor, due to low fetal movement, but after all that, found she is still doing okay. Again, not great, but not bad, so just okay. The great news is that she weighed in at 5.5 this week (give or take 13 ounces!), which is in the 16th percentile, so as long as we're near that for her arrival, we'll likely stay out of the NICU and get to go home as usual.

I will go back to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound since the one on Monday was not so positive and will make a determination then about whether we will deliver her next week or the week after. If not next week, we'll be welcoming our little muffin on Monday, March 22. Either way, we want it to be the best for her. Praying for all to be well on all fronts as the day approaches. Hope you all will continue to do the same. Not only for her, but for all of us...specifically:
For me - for an easy labor (no c-section, please!) like last time, lots of support as we come home, and the time to make Aiden and Nathan feel just as much of a priority in my life as we expand our family
For Aiden - as he adjusts to a new person intruding on his world, and that we would be sure to make him feel special and loved as he continues to blossom and explore his amazing and super social personality
For Nathan - as he gears up to be a daddy of 2 little ones and the not so fun reality that he'll have to leave them again after his paternity leave is over.

Thanks in advance and hope to have more info very soon! Big hugs from TN.

And she's not even here yet.  Not sure what the reality of her arrival will hold, but March (well, let's just go ahead and call it ALL of 2010) has been insane. After having friends and family visit a few weeks ago for our baby shower, we spent the weeks following getting Aiden hooked up with a new big boy bed, setting up BGT's nursery, setting up BGT's temporary station (in our closet!), and trying to tie up any loose ends...which there seem to be lots of! So a lot of adjustment with Nathan being gone and back to work and me figuring out what I'm going to do for work, and getting ready for this new little baby that's going to rock our world in a few days. Exciting, but EXHAUSTING!

Needless to say, most of you have been up to date on all the going's on with BGT and our activity at the homestead, so you know it's been wild, but despite the craziness of it, we've had some really great times. Aiden is LOVING his new big boy bed and the status that comes with it. He has already nicknamed it "B" and when he walks in his room, he smiles and yells, "B!!!" like it's been forever since he's seen the bed and can't wait to be reunited with it. He finally got through the last of his four incisors and has been sleeping like a champion in his new B. This alone makes Mommy and Daddy so happy. He is still such a cuddler and we love our time together reading stories - only he reads them to us more now in his own form of Aidenspeak. It's a sight to see for sure. He's finally made the transition from two naps to one, and quite well I might add. Three hours every afternoon is a nice means of peace and quiet for mom (ME!) and gives me some down time that I know will be great once the baby is here. All around he's doing super and is trying to get his little mind around what this new baby in Mama's tummy is going to mean for him. (Don't we all, Boogs, don't we all.)
Cutie pie's big boy bed...before the rail. The rail is NO FUN to change sheets with let me tell you! It about set me into LABOR! Geez. And the boy and his books...does he LOVE his books...
My sleeping "giant" in his bed...still trying to find a time to get him in the real thing asleep. It is so cute.

We've also got BGT's room in a semi-orderly place. It's not a finished product by any means, but she likely will not even use it until this summer, so I'm hoping that as we have help from family and friends we can piecemeal it together between now and then. No pictures, not many trinkets, and the decor is sparse, but hey, the bed's in there and the dresser's stocked, so at least we're somewhere.

As an update on BGT, we have had a few more visits, none too "awesome" in my doctor's terms, but she is hanging in there and chillin inside for now. I'll post another shorter note about that in a few minutes.

Nathan's job continues to go well, although we still don't see each other all that often. This part is the hardest for me and continues to be hard as much as I wish it weren't. It is getting better and the warm weather (honestly) has helped. Seems crazy, but at least I can be outside for some of the day rather than trapped in the wintery mess we've experienced the past few months. He is enjoying the work and likes his co-workers, so all seems to be progressing in the career front for him, which is a huge praise in this wacky market we find ourselves in.

So that's the short of it. Well, as short as I can be at least. Again, I'll try and get some of the pictures posted soon. Until then, Kara out.

So yes, here we are, a maximum of two and a half weeks from welcoming our baby girl into the world and we have no name. You heard me, no name. She's been BGT since we found out it was a girl oh so many months ago, and now here we are at the end of the road and she remains nameless other than her initial moniker. With Aiden we took a trip, decided on a name, and that was that. I mean, we changed it from the name we originally chose to Aiden the week after the trip, but we still had a mission to decide and did it. This time, amidst careful deliberation and discussion, we have yet to come to any real decision.

We set up criteria, that was careful and specific, in order to help make our decision easier. We even narrowed the list of 50 down to 10, but still with no real "gut" feeling on what to do. As we now near her birth, we are faced with a monumental and life changing decision. Naming our child. The pressure alone can wreak havoc on someone's emotional state, let me tell you. Throw in a dose of good ol' pregnancy hormones and a 20 month old who never stops (never!) and it makes making a decision one monumental task.

I think the thing that plays into the decision the most is our desire for her name to mean something, really mean something, to us. Whether it's because it was a part of our name(s), or because of heritage, or because of a person who influenced us, or whatever it is, we just want it to be meaningful. We want it this way so that when she is older (like whe she turns 13 and decides she'd rather be named Kim instead of Khloe) we can express to her the meaning of her name, why she has it, and at least provide her with some solid reasoning to back up our decision and hopefully allow her to find a great appreciation not only for her name, but for the incredibly awesome parents we are who took the time to give it to her! :)

So, while I wish I could provide you with a decision, all I can tell you is that we are very close and hope to finalize all those little itty bitty details this week as we prepare for her arrival (very soon!). Just know that if you hate it, we don't care. :) Her name was thought about, prayed about, and decided upon with great care for who she is and will be as a woman of God and our little gift! So there. :)

This past weekend was an all-out celebration for our impending arrival of BGT. Still no name yet, so it is what it is. We're working on it and talked the names in question over with everyone all weekend, so we have some good feedback and we'll just keep working. I think one day it'll just hit like Aiden's did.

Anyway, on to the weekend. Meghan, Parker, Phillip, and Fran all arrived on Friday night and after some catching upand waiting on dear Nathan to get home from work, we headed out to Mellow Mushroom for some yummy pizza. We hopped around downtown Franklin, did some "belly dancing" (preggo style), and had a great time catching up on old times and talking about those to come - hello, beach trip!

The next day was shower day! Mom and I were up early and setting up in the Clubhouse and getting ready for the company. The other helpers arrived just in time and made the place look like a pink palace of all things baby! Kari and Andrew arrived that morning and by the time the shower rolled around, the room looked great and all the decorations turned out fabulous. We were ready for a girlie good time while the boys took their day of play in downtown Franklin.

The cake was super cute and super yummy! The girls (in leiu of playing silly games) got to design their own onesies! It was a fun activity and something really special for the girls to give Baby Girl. They turned out so cute...even with a few mishaps.

BGT got lots of great gifts and I feel so much more prepared, especially if she decides to make her grand entrance a little early. But let's all hope she continues to incubate for a little while longer! We gave out some yummy cookies for party favors and sent everyone on their merry way after a great great day!



We went back to Casa de Tabler to relax for a few before heading out to dinner with our little group. After a few failed attempts at making it to eat, we finally ended up at our hometown favorite and let everyone meet our staff and friends at Pueblo Real. Gotta love it. I had a great time this weekend, and hopefully everyone else did as well...including my number one baby boy.

Thank you to everyone who drove from all over, and those who walked from down the street, to make this day so special for me, for BGT, and for my family of three, soon to be four. I am so blessed. I can't wait to meet this little girl who'll change our little world. I love you all!

Today we had our 33 week check up and ultrasound to check in on BGT and make sure she is still growing even though I am not! These visits always make me nervous, not because I fear something will be wrong, but for probably the very same reasons I fear having two kids in the house before I actually HAVE to kids in the house - what we tell ourselves in our minds is often so very different in reality. And though, at times, it is worse in reality than it is in our minds, so very many more times it is not...and this is my hope!

So anyway, all seems well and fine in the little one's world. My fundus (or my preggo belly in layman's terms) did manage to grow a week over the two that have passed since my last visit, so I'm now at 27 weeks. And our little peanut is measuring fine right around 31 weeks - so just 2 weeks behind, even though the space she's living in is 6 behind! How this is possible, I do not know. But it is my pregnancy reality...it was very similar with Aiden, I just thought it would be different with my second. Oh well. The bad news, if you can call it that, is that her growth dropped from the 42nd percentile to the 21st, so half of what it was a month ago. And even though she wants me to start eating 1,000 more calories at day (WHAT!?! Not possible.), my doctor isn't concerned quite yet, and won't be until she drops below the 10th percentile. We go back in two weeks for normal weight, fundus, dialation check, and will more than likely have another U/S the week after that. So we'll have a better idea in then, so just hanging on for that visit.

It's funny, though, having regular ultrasounds and taking the opportunity to get to "know" your child before they arrive. Seeing the way they reside in the small space they've been given and wondering how that will coincide with how they will reside in the large space they explore when they are released! Aiden still has so many mannerisms that he did in the womb, and I love the fact I had the opportunity to recognize that. BGT has the same little profile that Aiden did and THANK GOODNESS her head is smaller! :) Hooray! There are days I say I'm ready for her to be here 1) so I can meet her, 2) so I can stop having somone kick my rib cage all night, and 3) so I can put to bed the fear that I have and hope is worse than reality. But then I realize I really am not quite ready. God knows that too, thankfully, and doesn't grant my wish when I do voice it. It's allowing me some precious time with Aiden right now. As awful as it is having Nate gone all day, my "Boogs" and I have been able to have some amazing time over the last week or so, and I really enjoy it. I enjoy the mess out of him and never want him to feel neglected or "less" than this new person that will soon be coming in to take over the world as he knows it. I love that he loves to cuddle with me in the afternoons and at rest time and bed. I never want that to go away. And while I know it will, I am doing what I can so savor each moment (even if it's stressful) that I have with him.

So, here we sit, BGT and I, as we play the waiting game in these last few weeks of her time with me in the quiet, small space she lives in. So protected, so safe, so silent. Let's hope and pray the next few weeks are as quiet, as sane, as safe, as productive (there is still so much to do!), and enable us to truly enjoy the time we have as a trio.

I realize I already have a posting with this title...so I added MORE...meaning there are LOTS more changes upon us even without the addition of BGT. Not sure how her arrival is going to impact this house, but know maybe there will be a Ch Ch Ch Changes volume three by the time she arrives!

That being said, February has found us in the midst of lots of change. We closed out January with two solid weeks of having Nate at home not working and that meant LOTS of family time and soaking up of the little bits of heaven we get in being able to be home together. He did spend his last week painting the nursery, guest bedroom and bathroom, and Aiden/BGT's bathroom. It was a big job, but we are both glad it is done. Pictures to come.

To top the week off, we got snowed in the last weekend of January with about 6 inches of dumped on snow that hit Nashville. It was quite a bit of snow for this area and something you don't see all too often. It was COLD, too! Even too cold for Aiden to be outside longer than a few minutes at a time, which says a lot. For those of you who know him, you know he is not faint of heart when it comes to cold or hot weather, so for him to NOT want to be outside, this said a lot. Regardless, we still had to say good-bye to dear old dad on Sunday afternoon as a cab driver made the trek to take him from here to the airport so we didn't have to be out in the mess.

And that was the beginning of the end.

The end, that is, of our three year stint of Nate working at home. While he have seasons of insanely long hours (like 2 am) and sometimes quite a bit of travel, we have really all three been at home together since Aiden joined us, and Nate and I before his arrival. So Aiden and I sent him off to DC amidst a flurry of tears being shed from both of us, and luckily the little dude didn't realize what I knew - just how much the days to follow would continue to bring change, and with it, more tears. Don't get me wrong, this is a GREAT opportunity for Nate, working for Deloitte,  doing what he had been with his previous employer. With the economy the way it is, the fact that a job found him, and such a great one at that, says enough about the calibur of guy I am blessed to be married to. But, the reality of leaving every day and being gone for 8 - 12 hours is not so much appealing, when on most days, I know I could walk about 17 stairs and see his face. Boo.

Anyway, his training went great, and he returned to us on Tuesday night, just in time to see the deluge of rain that has been pummeling us since the snow left. Fun! But the next day brought with it the reality that he was indeed going to be leaving us every day. Every day. Every day. Ugh. I just don't know if I can do it. Luckily, this first week of February brought with it it's own share of projects for me, so during the day, I was so busy I didn't really allow myself to think about his absence. But in the few seconds of any downtime, I realized he was gone in a matter of seconds, and was hit with the realization that so much had changed. And in the same token, made me so very grateful for the man that he is.

I don't think many couples, married or not, have the kind of relationship we have, but it is one for which I am so blessed to be involved in. Nathan is truly my best friend and partner. He is an amazing father, and does so much to help me, and to be active in Aiden's world. To see him interact with Aiden as a father every day, and to have him help me in the ways that he does be it in the big or small things is more beneficial than I could probably express in any format. He knows me. He knows when I'm stressed and need a break from work, wife, mother, housekeeper, financeer, chauffeur, and friend. When he was home, he could encourage me, help me, listen to me, give me time that he didn't have, even if it meant five minutes. With him gone, I feel his absence more than I have ever wanted to know it.  It's deafening. His absence has made me realize how very much he does in every day, from Swiffering the floor every morning, to giving Aiden his bath every night, and how very much I will miss having those things done not only for me, but for us...and how very lucky I am.

So this week we have been very sad. I feel a loss I cannot put into words. We are still connected, and we will continue to be, that will never change. But my ability to connect with him face-to-face at any time of the day has gone, and with it, a part of myself that I can't get back. I am sad. I am scared. What will this be like when we have a baby girl who won't get the same kind of time with her dad that Aiden has had and benefitted so very much?  I am sad for Aiden, who LOVES the mess out of his "Dada." I know he is too young to remember this time, but it has been priceless for me to be a part of their relationship from the outside looking in and see the bond and the love that they have in this unique father-son relationship. Aiden is such a Daddy's boy, in a good way, the way you want to see a father and son connect. It makes me sad I won't get to see this during my work days. He is sad, too, and knows my pain. He now drives 45 minutes one way to work and realizes that in total, it's an hour and a half he'd rather be spending at home. We are sad.

This, too, shall pass...or so they say. A part of me doesn't want it to pass. I want to grieve this and feel the weight of it.  I hope it passes one day, I'm just not ready yet. This week was hard. Almost more than I could take. But He never gives us more than we can take. So, I guess it was just enough to make it hard...hard enough to lean right where I should be leaning and nowhere else.