karaspeak

So, I'm posting twice in one day, or at least trying to, just because I know it's been a few days since I wrote and wanted to update on BGT and our emotions as we lead up to her arrival.  I think I've done a fair job of keeping everyone in the loop, as difficult as it has been for me to do so. I don't do a very good job at reaching out to people when I need help and instead just kind of take the approach that everyone else has enough stuff of their own to deal with, they don't need to add mine, too. Not the right approach, I know, but I finally did take some steps to deal with that and well, it turned out much better than I expected and it has been amazing to see God work in the lives of people around me to minister to me with His words, and their experience. Both of which I needed.

The long and short of it is that all of this new stuff coming my way really scares the mess out of me and I fear I won't really have what it takes to do it. In a nutshell, that's it. Seems really lame when I see mothers of four who have showered and are dropping their kids off at 9 am - if they can do it, I can do two, right?! Yes. I can. It's just that my perfectionist, Type A, control freak, Monica personality comes out when I start to think about the actuality/reality of it all coming true and what it will be like and will I be able to handle it, and what will happen to Aiden, and will I shower again, and Nathan won't spend the same amount of time with her that he has had with Aiden and how will that impact her as she gets older and needs a Dad, and ... well, you get the point. And endless stream of worry...in a nutshell.

BUT...

I am coping. I am dealing. And with the help and strength of some amazing sisters around me (and an awesome husband who supports me more than I could ever imagine possible with all he already has going on), I have been able to see light instead of dark at the end of this road. And a light I am VERY excited to meet! :)

All of that to say...the past few weeks have been rough becucase of the setbacks we've had with our doctor visits and the "not great but not bad" news we seeem to get each week. Seems like she's just kind of hanging on for us until we can get her out safely. Two weeks ago, I had already begun to lose weight, which typically happens the week of delivery (or did with Aiden), so my doctor wasn't thrilled about that. After another ultrasound, we found she isn't getting quite as much blood flow as we'd like her to be getting, and with the weight loss, the concern exists that she isn't growing enough inside and may need to come out to do her thing.  So, we found ourselves trying to make it to week 37. We have, which is awesome, but this week's visit wasn't much better. After being told to eat everything in sight, I was visited by a nice fun round of the stomach bug, which obviously didn't help matters any. No weight gain this week. Boo. Then last night, I spent three hours in triage on the monitor, due to low fetal movement, but after all that, found she is still doing okay. Again, not great, but not bad, so just okay. The great news is that she weighed in at 5.5 this week (give or take 13 ounces!), which is in the 16th percentile, so as long as we're near that for her arrival, we'll likely stay out of the NICU and get to go home as usual.

I will go back to the doctor on Friday for another ultrasound since the one on Monday was not so positive and will make a determination then about whether we will deliver her next week or the week after. If not next week, we'll be welcoming our little muffin on Monday, March 22. Either way, we want it to be the best for her. Praying for all to be well on all fronts as the day approaches. Hope you all will continue to do the same. Not only for her, but for all of us...specifically:
For me - for an easy labor (no c-section, please!) like last time, lots of support as we come home, and the time to make Aiden and Nathan feel just as much of a priority in my life as we expand our family
For Aiden - as he adjusts to a new person intruding on his world, and that we would be sure to make him feel special and loved as he continues to blossom and explore his amazing and super social personality
For Nathan - as he gears up to be a daddy of 2 little ones and the not so fun reality that he'll have to leave them again after his paternity leave is over.

Thanks in advance and hope to have more info very soon! Big hugs from TN.