karaspeak

It's funny how I count my life now. It all seems to fall in terms of weeks now rather than days or even months. Most of the time, if you ask me I don't even know what day it is. I only know what week of Aiden's life it is. How sad is that? It's all kind of in line with all the changes I've talked about earlier, and this is just one more to add to the list. I'm no longer driven by a work schedule or what typically happens on "such and such" a day as much as I am focused on making it through the day...and before I know it another week has passed. He's another week older, I'm another week older. He's doing a little bit more, I'm doing a little bit more (or less depending on what we're talking about). He's growing, and I guess I'm growing too, just not so much in the same way as he is - mine feels so much more about growing in the "life rules" area than in the growth chart area. All in all the weeks bring some really neat things.

But here I sit on August 8. Aiden is one month old today and it seems all I can remember from the past four weeks is how many diapers I've changed (though this is completely bogus because there is no way I can remember all those diapers!), how many hours he's slept, how many hours i've fed him, and finding myself wondering what it is I do with my days these days. Where they go, I'm not really sure, I just know they fly by and before I know it it's 8:00 at night and I look back on the day and can't really even remember how I got to 8:00. How does this happen?

It does really scare me, though, because I know that it's only a matter of time before I'll look back in a year and say, "How did he get to be a year old?," "What did I do with my year?" So these weeks turning into months already scare me. I don't necessarily want him to always be dependent on me...just to stay so small and innocent as he is now. I really enjoy these days blurring into weeks. I hate them, but I love them at the same time because they are so simple and really remind me of what life is supposed to be about. It's amazing for me to look at Aiden and to see parts of myself and parts of Nathan and parts of God all wrapped up in his little teeny body. It reminds me how small we all are and how much I should enjoy every minute, even if I can't remember what happened at the end of my day, or month, or year, or lifetime for that matter. So here's to the weeks that I can't remember and the months that have already passed us by, but especially to this past month, for it is the one that changed my life forever.