karaspeak

       
I have had the luxury of having my parents here with me this week. They have been incredible at helping us out with meals, doing laundry, taking care of the baby, giving us advice, and so much more. It was so incredible having the people that brought ME into the world here to support me and Nathan as we brought another life into the world. Although a lot of their first few days were spent doing a whole lot of nothing at the hospital while I recovered, it was so comforting to have them here to visit and such a welcome help once I came home. Having my mom there to help with Aiden and also be a resource for all my questions, was invaluable. They also made dinner and helped with the chores since it was hard for me to get around the house. That being said, they made my life as easy as anyone could for the first few days of Aiden's life...and all the adjustments that come with a newborn...and it was terrible to think about them leaving. 

      

  

I didn't realize how traumatic it would be for me. I know there is this huge hormonal cocktail that stirs up inside after giving birth and getting rid of all the hormones that were in me to support BT, but who knew it would lead me to feel so despondent at their departure. It wasn't so much that I felt like they were abandoning me, or that I couldn't handle Aiden on my own (with Nathan's help of course!), but there was just this nagging fear of "what if..." Like, what if something happens that I can't handle? Or what if I go crazy because he won't stop crying? Or what do I do for dinner for the next month seeing as how I can barely walk, and spend all my time watching out for this new little life so much that cooking is the last thing on my mind? I mean, there are a million scenarios that ran through my head, I won't list them all, but it was just a bit overwhelming to think about.

 

So I had to say goodbye today. Goodbye. It really is a very sad word. It feels so final and so permanent. I much prefer things that don't seem so definite in their departure... I wish there were something else to say that said it all without having to say goodbye at all. But there just isn't another word that will do. All those silly catch phrases just don't mean the same and they often end with a cheesy note rather than the heartfelt sincerity that is said with a deep and true goodbye. 

 

And while I know good and well they'll be less than 3 short hours away from us so very soon, it was still so hard to say. So now I'm on my own (well, the three of us at least) and the adventure is really about to begin now that they're gone. Should get interesting! :)