karaspeak

Have you ever been blamed for something you didn't do and had to suffer consequences on behalf of someone else? This situation is one I am stuggling with right now and the consequences were so severe they will have lasting impact on my life and any large life decisions I make in the future. I have had a difficult time explaining how this situation feels to me on the inside, and how it feels to have the other person (whom I am suffering the consequences for) completely oblivious to the situation, outcome, feelings, etc. of what I may be going through. In more ways than one, I have felt so much more connected to the gift Christ gave us when he gave his life for us sinful, rebellious, ungrateful beings...people that he knew would never fully understand his sacrifice, and yet he gave anyway. To make matters worse, I have had a hard time not being angry at God for "letting" this happen to me. It's one of those things where you know the appropriate response, and if it was happening to someone else you would be right there giving them that schpiel about how "God is going to use this in your life" blah, blah, blah. But seriously, when it's you, and you're trapped like a caged bird who was only trying to rescue her chick, it feels quite a bit different and it's a lot more difficult to find perspective in the moment.

Being that I've felt angry at God for this, I haven't pressed as firmly into him in each passing moment to find out the reasons why and to get on my knees to discover what the hidden secret lesson is behind all this pain, suffering, and innocent guilt. We were in Ephesians for a bit at church on Sunday and I found myself perusing the surrounding pages a few days later. I came across Ephesians 1:4-10 and was instantly reminded that even though I feel like I'm being blamed, for something I didn't do, ultimately, I am blameless in God's eyes. And let's all be honest, his are the only ones that matter at the end of this whole game we call life. So I'm redeemed, forgiven, I have riches in his grace, and I have his power, wisdom, and understanding all at my fingertips. Now it's just a matter of understanding what all this is about. Not for this moment, necessarily, but for eternity. How I can use this for HIS name, not mine...it's not about me, my blame, my guilt, my anger, but about how HE can use that in me to glorify him.

And while I will admit I don't feel that way at all right now. And I mean, at all! I do KNOW I will be able to see a bigger picture on the other side. "The other side of what?," you might ask...well, I'm not quite sure. But how about I'll let you know when I get there.