karaspeak

It's funny that in my nearly five years of living in Westhaven (wow, five years already!?!) I barely knew people that live within houses of me. While I longed for new friendships, I just felt out of place for some reason. Not sure if it was the fact that I was a stay at home, working mom surrounded by a lot of non-working moms, or that I didn't have a golf cart, or that I didn't have millions of dollars, but I just felt out of the loop. This past fall, I had the chance to meet some girls on my street, and become a little more open with them...not only about my surface level Kara stuff that everyone gets to see, but the stuff that women really need to talk about when they are together - struggles, hurts, frustrations, joys, prayers, pain points, thrills, secrets...you know, the good stuff. I grew up being hurt by girls so often in friendships and learned to keep myself guarded in relationships, only letting a little piece of myself out. But when I changed my attitude and opened myself up to not only possibly get hurt, but also possibly to make some amazing friends in the process, I learned it was possible to move beyond the "out of place-ness" I was putting on myself.

We began having "Bachelor Mondays" where we said we'd watch "The Bachelor" and drink wine, but really just drank wine and talked all night. All of a sudden, we had a weekly forum to vent, get support, get encouragement, while we painted nails, taught each other how to do eye make up, and shared our "sale day" shopping successes. And though some of us really did try and watch the show, most of us just did all the other stuff. But regardless, I learned a lot about these girls, and I loved Bachelor Monday. It was good crazy girly fun, which was good to realize can happen even after you turn 30.

While "The Bachelor" is over for the season, and we don't meet every week, we do get together fairly often, and I think we all look forward to it just as much as we did when it was weekly. We've realized a lot of things about ourselves, about each other, and about relationships. We are able to bear with each other when things are bad, and have a big blow out in celebration when things are good. And it makes a world of difference to feel like there's these awesome women who all have your back when the going gets tough and when the lights start to dim on the parade. From life experiences to love lost, it's on the table and stays at the table.

Feeling so lucky to have gone beyond the restrictions I had on myself and the self-doubt that I was not likable and found these girls. One in a million.

My baby turned two. My sweet baby girl who should still need me like a baby needs her mama turned two. She is not a baby. She's two. Where the past two years went, I'll never know, I only know the years seem to go by faster and faster. Before I know it, I'm sure I'll just be blinking as the years fly past. Teagan Elyse is my precious little girl, full of spunk, laughter, light, crazy curls, funny stories, and so many other things. She is polar opposite of her brother in a few regards - her LOVE for sleep, her curly hair, her non-picky-ness about food, her girly sense of style, and her cute little freckles on her cheeks and nose. Most of these things are just like me.  Some others, remind me so much of Aiden - her independence, her zest for life, her wit, her drama, and her sass. Regardless, she is 100% unique and I am so blessed by her sweet, crazy nature every day.

We celebrated on a rainy Saturday with an Elmo party covered up in pink, red, and orange. We had food, we had friends, and we had fun! Cupcakes, hummus and veggies, cookies, and an assortment of snacks to celebrate my little Elmo girl. We even got she and Aiden matching Elmo outfits to celebrate...the girl was thrilled with her polka dot Elmo. She was showered with toys, covered in cake, and enamored with all of her fans.

Such a fun day full of memories and a few tears of joy. I'm so proud of all she can do at just TWO! I can't describe how much fun she is and how sweet the relationship is between she and her brother. I couldn't have asked for more when God gave me sweet Teagan. A few pics from the show...

When you live with a three year old and an almost two year old, everyday life starts to seem like this odd blur of what reality truly is.  It gets old holding a "baby" (who's two!) in your arms every day for two to three hours. It gets old dealing with three year old temper tantrums and crying spells over the smallest most insignificant thing ever. It gets old going through a sixty hour work week and trying to figure out what to make for dinner at the end of a day that's lasted too long. It gets old trying to figure out why your three year old wakes up at 4:00 in the morning just to tell you he's awake. It gets old not being able to sleep in....like, ever! And so on.

And as old as things get, the thing I keep trying to tell myself is that before I know it, I really will miss these things. At this very moment, I have a really hard time trying to get my mind around that. While I know it's true (I hear it too much to know it's not), it's so difficult to actually embrace these moments rather than wish they were over. It's a work in progress. But isn't everything?!?

I realize there will come a day in not too many years, when these two balls of fire and sweetness will want nothing to do with me and I'll miss the boogers, the poop, the potty training, the picky eating, and the days they cried over things like spilled juice. And so I grin and bear it. Not begrudgingly, but in joy as much as I possibly can. I try and find the amazing pieces of these little people God gave me to raise while we are living in these temporary bodies in our temporary home on earth. I will say it's not easy, and it's a daily struggle to remember to value the hard times along with the good, but I try my best. It's all we can ever do.

As  I was running yesterday, I was struck with the fact that it was January 30, and I was running in sunny, warm 60+ degree weather, and felt so in awe of this incredible "winter" we've had I just ran for sheer enjoyment and forgot about time...well, kind of. I mean, I was running a 5 mile tempo run, so you kind of have to pay attention to time. And plus, if you're me you can really not ever stop thinking about time, but I tried. It lasted a few minutes, or seconds, either way, it was blissful. This time last year I was running in 19 to 30 degree weather. Nearly every training run I did was in snow, ice, rain, or clouds. And my winter weather wardrobe got it's fair share of wear. But this year, I've had to go and get the tank tops I put in storage back out so I can wear them. It's amazing. My kind of winter!

The other thing I was thinking about on my run was the fact that Teagan is soon going to be TWO! My sweet baby girl, who a year ago was just learning to talk and walk is now a fully functioning toddler who can do just about anything she puts her mind to. While we were going to have a full out party for her, the more I think about it, the more I just want to celebrate with my nearest and dearest, the ones who know Teagan the best and appreciate all she's accomplished in her second year of life. I'd really like to do another Elmo party because she does love her some Elmo and Abby. We did one for Aiden and it was super cute, and I think she'd really enjoy the theatrics.

When I got back from running I began digging for ideas about how to make the party more girly. As I was digging, on Pinterest of course, I found Hostess with the Mostess had done it again. She posted THIS incredible party. I mean, look at this party. A-mazing.

So of course I began re-thinking my decision to do a small family party when I saw this incredible party. But alas, I think I will stick with the plan and do my amazing family affair, but just blow them out of the water with this amazing party! :)

But still, the fact that she is two is just astonishing. I can't believe my ears and eyes. She becomes more of a lady every day. She loves on people. She is polite. She has this incredibly gifted sense of humor for being nearly two. She laughs all the time. She is smart. She talks so well. She knows all her colors and most of her numbers...and even in the right order! She loves to be held. She loves to read. She remembers everything, even when you think she might not being paying attention. She is obedient. And she is mine for this short time on earth that our amazing Father let us borrow her. She is a precious and valuable gift. I pray for her every day...every minute of every day. She is another ray of sunshine on my life. Like this winter, she is my warmth in the cold. I am forever changed by her. I can't wait to see the woman she becomes. I'm already proud of her, can't imagine how much more proud I could get, but I think God will continue to surprise me with this little miracle.

After being able to work from home for more than four years, traveling every week to every other week has not been easy. However, there are some amazingly bright spots amongst the travel. Some of that business related, some of it personal, some of it relates to coming home. All of it interesting, not always easy, but good.

For example, you might meet someone super interesting on an airplane and pass an hour speaking with them about their lives and / or their business and potentially find a new job. Or, you might walk around a nearly empty shopping mall alone which you might not have done in years? It is one thing I have found to do to pass the time when I finish an exhausting day of back-to-back meetings and "being on."

One of the best things about traveling, and having little children, if there can be a good thing about traveling with little children, is that when you come home, they've learned something new. They speak new words, day spell new words, they run, they hop, they tell you "I miss you when you're gone," they learn to say other phrases that you've never heard before, and they learn to tell stories. For me, this has been the greatest joy in traveling this year. In a few short months that I've traveled, Teagan has only gone from 18 months to 21 months. But in those few short months, she has learned to run, talk more productively, eat more effectively on her own, and eat everything in site, loves Mexican food, and after this last trip to say, "yeah" to things like it was no big deal and "Paaa-weeeeze"(Please!) in the cutest voice I've ever heard.

What a joy it is to be able to watch these two babies learn to put words to things when they have not had words for them before - only finger points, grunts, huhs, nods, and screams. It's been an amazing adventure and one I've grown more fond of in my time away from home because you see how quickly they adapt, learn, and grow when you are separated from them even for a few short days. God is so good. My children are so smart. And I cannot wait to see what words He gives them over the course of their lives.

My sweet Teagan Bean - 21 months old and full of life!

My Aiden Dude. Three years old and eating ice cream. Per usual!

How about that?! I just posted a blog from my phone... bring it! Here's to hoping this will mean more posts in 2012. This is how I rang in my new year. Listening to the drums played on pots and pans and making black-eyes peas. How about you?

Relationships with women are interesting. Not only are those relationships difficult to manage and foster as girls, but it seems to remain true as we age and build relationships as grown women. As I've aged, I have found it to be equally as difficult to make and maintain girlfriends as it was in middle school. So I have learned how to foster the few I treasure and be okay with "surface-y" relationships with all the other women I'm around. That said, it isn't often we meet other women who we can be real and honest with, be 100% of who we are around, and not fear losing the friendship, offending her, or worrying she might spill the deep, dark secrets you revealed to her in a gossip-filled dinner one night. While I know people that have tons of female friends, I've just never really been one of those women; but instead have always been more comfortable in the company of guys. To be short, they're just less drama...and that's how I roll!

I say all of this because when I really do find a good, solid, trustworthy, loyal friend, I hang on to her, I work at the friendship, I bare my soul in complete faith, and do whatever I can to keep the bond and appreciate every bit of that friendship for all it is and all it offers - even if sometimes it's heartbreak. I do this because I know I'll get it back just the same as I give it out, what I share will be held in high confidence, who I am will be regarded with high esteem, and I will be held accountable for my actions. Women need these types of friendships far more than they need people to gossip with. One such friend of mine, Meghan, I met over 6 years ago at our wedding as merely a guest of one of our groomsmen. Though I'd not ever met her before that day, I have never regretted that boy's decision to bring her as his date. Their relationship (dating, not wedded) has ended, but as we jokingly say, "I got Meghan in the divorce." Despite having crazy jobs and living in different cities (or states) during the entire length of our friendship, we have only grown closer, more deeply involved, and more consistent over time.  I'm grateful to call her a forever friend.

Because we live in different places and most of our friendship takes place on text, email, facebook, phone calls, etc. we decided we needed to get away for a quick girls trip. Though it'd be easy to do one of our two cities, for some reason Vegas became the city of choice for this long weekend away. Not really sure how that happened...but we found ourselves on an early morning flight from Atlanta to Vegas, baby.

So off we went one Wednesday morning. But let me preface this trip by saying that the night before our early morning departure, my dear sweet friend totaled her car. And she still left town with me in spite of being hurt, broken, and bruised not only emotionally but a little physically, too. It's this that makes Meghan my forever friend. She shows up. She cares enough to sacrifice and be there despite personal tragedy. And she gives her all. Even though we lost about four hours in the air, most of which we slept, of course, we still managed to arrive at 9:30 in the morning...but since we'd been up since dark, felt like it should be lunch time...or nap time if nothing else. It's odd, having your body tell you it's 1:00 in the afternoon even though it's still morning. But what do you do but roll with it. We were off to see some sites, eat some food and lay by the pool before we found some high roller tickets to go see "O" at the Bellagio that night. Before bed that day, we'd already seen more hotels than we could count, and ridden a roller coaster through one of them, and started into some amazing conversation. We spent the next day (the ENTIRE day) at the pool. Lounging, talking, catching up, challenging each other, listening to each other's vices, wants, desires, needs, and giving honest and open advice. We met people, we talked with strangers, we got burnt to a crisp, but we had a blast. I love this part about my relationship with Meghan. Nothing is hidden from view, and she still loves me for it. Maybe even in spite of it. That is a rare gift in a friend, but one for which I am beyond grateful.

We found ourselves dining on some fabulous Mexican fare at the Palazzo that night. For FREE might I add! And I think between that meal and the others, we found ourselves either eating Mexican or french fries at every meal. Why? Not sure, but it was the way it was. The next day we  toured some of the hotels, shopped a little, and took in the heat of Vegas while wandering (and getting lost) in the maze that is the hotel feast in Vegas. There was lots of people watching. Lots. There was more talking. Lots. And there was fun. Lots! After some nap time and some time spent shopping for some gifts for my kiddos, we were off to enjoy our evening on the town. We learned a little about black jack and met some funny people and took our pictures with more funny people. People that get dressed up as random people just for tips. Go figure. Before we knew it we were saying goodbye to our quite remote controlled room at the Aria and headed for the airport.

How quickly it went from arrival to departure, but the memories made and the fun had was more than I could recount in this short note; however, I left a richer person, and knowing I needed to take more time for myself with other women as often as I can. While I don't have a terribly large amount of people I can do this with, I need to capitalize on what I do have. I think it makes me a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, and a better woman. Able to give more to whoever is in my world and able to see with new eyes. I'm grateful this time away provided me all that and a new view into the soul of a dear friend whom I am able to provide for even across the miles. Thank you. I love you. I can't wait to do it again!