karaspeak

We are preparing for BGT's impending arrival and spent this weekend getting some things for Aiden and for her. So we spent this Saturday shopping for some goodies. Our first stop was at Pottery Barn Kids where we got him his brand new BIG BOY BED and this makes me sad!! It is so hard to believe I won't be able to see him in his little crib anymore, but there is peace in knowing I have a few more weeks to prepare myself for it as we wait for his mattress to arrive. So he won't make the transition quite yet. And to be honest, we might wait until after BGT arrives so he can have some time to adjust to her being here before we move him. She'll be downstairs with us for a few months anyway, so we have some time.

We picked out his comforter and shams, but need to get sheets and his new artwork, pictures, and decorations for his big boy room. He'll stay in the same room, but need to update the "baby" part for some big boy stuff! I'm somewhat anxious about his transition, but I've talked with a few moms who've made the transition (and successful at that!) in the past few months and so I feel confident with as good a little sleeper as my little dude is, that we'll do just fine moving on up!

I'll post pictures when I have them, but for now, the bed's still in the box waiting for us to assemble it. He's not quite sure what is going on yet, and I'd like to delay that as long as I can...that's the selfish part in me that doesn't want to see him grow up. I know it's inevitable, but a few months is the least I can do to enjoy him being Baby Aiden for just a little longer. He is such a sweet little boy who loves to cuddle and who is vigorous about life and just about everything that he finds in this great big world of his. Yes, it is his world in case you didn't know. But for now, I will cherish my sweet moments with him reading and rocking at night before it disappears, which I know it will. How I ache for that day.

The week started out full of emotions as a good friend of mine from high school, whom I have only been connected with mildly on Facebook since that time, was experiencing her own share of pain that spoke to me and moved me deeply. You can read her full story here, at Jeanna's blog, but in short she was pregnant with twins after years of trying. She was beyond elated and her story makes it evident how deeply she wanted to be a mother. They went for their 20 week ultrasound to see the babies, check on them, and ultimately find out the sex of the babies. Instead of finding out these things, they found two baby boys with no heart beats. They had to deliver them two days later to two terribly devastated parents. Maybe it was my current state of pregnancy, maybe it was that particular day in my life, or maybe it was the rush of hormones that pulsing through me since I am not one, but two girls, at the moment, but something in me broke. I spent that day, and many of the following, broken, desolate, asking "why?", and trying to understand how it all happened for them while also making sure not to let it control the mindset of my own pregnancy going forward. It was not an easy journey, to say it mildly, but as the days passed, my head cleared and I was able to get some peace for them and for myself.

I felt terribly I hadn't been in more frequent contact with Jeanna after high school, mostly since I found myself pregnant and identifying with her loss as I knew that feeling from several years ago. Though not the same, I, too, experienced the loss of a baby and knew how deeply and profoundly it impacted me and my desire to be a mother. I can't fathom the questions she's asking herself, but could only recall what it was I found myself searching for in the days and months that followed that experience. I know there is hope for her, as I have found, and am now able to see in Aiden's face every day...and soon enough my baby girl's face. I pray for a safe and healthy delivery and safe and healthy child, as all parents do, but maybe even more so after feeling the pain through Jeanna's experience. I am anxious to see what God does in their lives and for them as I am sure it will be miraculous and ONLY something He can do.

While I didn't mean for this to be such a bland and emotion-filled post, I found myself in a place of quiet empathy this week and felt not much else. I am not even sure how to express all I felt in the days that followed, but felt the need to share her story, if only as a means to remind myself to pray for her.

The week that followed this experience only brought with it it's own strife in the form of work. The good part was that Nathan was offered a great position at Deloitte (formerly known as Deloitte and Touche), and would be resigning from his current role this week. The bad part was that also meant his time at home with us would be shortly coming to an end. Dealing with this next challenge is probably much worse in my head than it will be in reality, and while I am thrilled he's been given this amazing opportunity, I am also terribly sad to lose the special time we have together at home. I guess a part of me always knew it would not last forever, but I dreaded the day it would come. So, beginning in February, we'll be saying bye bye to Daddy as he drives off to work and we try and man the fort. I guess the part that makes me the saddest is that he won't have the same special time at home with BGT as he has with Aiden. Time which has created a special bond between the two of them that is so neat to observe and even better to be a part of as a partner. Everyone tells me it will be better than I think, but what I think is that life will be CRAZY about a month after he starts work...and I find myself at home alone with two kiddos both clammoring for food and attention and no one to share in the day to day with. It will make me sad, but I also know that getting through it will make me strong.

I was just reviewing my list of "wishes" from my 2009 New Year's posting and realized all the things that had been true in 2008 that I'd already forgotten. Additionally, I realized I hadn't come back to my list as frequently as I'd liked in my postings or in reality. Regardless, I need to hold myself accountable for what I set out to accomplish in 2009. So here goes in short form with comments to boot!

• Read the Bible every day

• Finish 12 books, novels, etc. (books, not magazines!)

• Run a half marathon

• Go on a date once a week. (with my hubby of course; see note* for further clarification)* This term "date" does not mean spend money on a meal, but just spend time out of the house and on our own away from Aiden to remember that we are first and foremost, husband and wife. Even if that means spending time at the good old Border's for some one on one reading and coffee. Regardless, to get out of the house and talk, dive in, breathe, and appreciate one another.

• Build deep and lasting friendships (dig deep into others' lives and not let myself or them get away with surface level conversations, or to let myself shy away from reaching out)

• Find a church home

• Pay off a loan

• Take at least one vacation (like how I say, "at least one"? I will gladly welcome more!)

• Worry less, encourage more

Of 2010 happened this past week/weekend in Nashville. Though we doubted it would actually happen, they cancelled school on Thursday as early as 2 pm on Wednesday in preparation for our "winter blast." While we woke up to nothing, not even a flake, snow did start falling around 10 am Thursday morning and didn't really stop fully until Sunday. Nashville is the only place I have ever been where it can be below freezing all day and all night, snow continuously for three days, and yet there is accumulation of oh, say, maybe a half inch in the most rural areas of town. SO WEIRD!

Anyway, despite the lack of accumulation, we did have snow covered roads, driveways, and sidewalks for a few days and it's just now beginning to clear. As cold as it was, Aiden has no qualms about cold weather and we just had to be out in it at least once a day. Though he wasn't as interested in playing with the snow as he was walking in it and taking his usual path around to the neighbor's houses to peruse their toys and other accutraments. How the child can be outside in weather hardly hitting the teens for longer than 20 minutes is beyond me. He did NOT get this from me. I like my warmth and l-0-v-e my summer weather! I am not a fan of winter, and don't forsee that changing ANYTIME soon. Regardless, it was fun to have snow for him to enjoy and to see him enjoy it. Last year we had snow, but he was only six months old and didn't really get it. This year he got it and enjoyed it with full and reckless abandon. I know in only a few short years he'll be one of the kids making me scared out of my mind as he sleds down the steep hills in our neighborhood....I see myself waiting at the bottom of the hill fearing for his very life.

Oh the joy and beauty that comes from a fresh powdery snow. Despite how terribly cold it was, the sights around town were breathtakingly beautiful as the hills and vistas (as Nathan calls them) were dusted ever so perfectly with a smattering of snow. It was a lovely site to behold since we don't get it here that often and we won't be taking our annual ski trip this year due to someone being knocked up. Oops. Oh well. We enjoyed the flakes we got and are sad to see them go, but are grateful for the reminder it brings us that there is life underneath the cold surface and renewal beyond that. Spring, though far enough away, is right around the corner and we anticipate it with joy and fear as we prepare to have our worlds rocked by another little joy...

Pictures to come. Just didn't have time to get them on this computer. In the meantime you can view a few here.

What a great Christmas we had this year...and how quickly it flew. As should be expected with an almost 18-month old underfoot, I guess, but I wish Christmas could truly last the whole month. After a lot of careful deliberation, we made the decision to stay at home this Christmas to enjoy what we feel may indeed be the "calm before the storm" with BGT's arrival in a few months (three to be exact). And while we thought we might regret the decision - due to the lack of our ability to see family and visit and have "help" with our little one - we found we would be the most at ease, the most relaxed, and the least pressed for time (on other people's calendars) if we stayed at home and began some of our own traditions...even though Aiden will not remember these years. This fact in and of itself is something that still makes me sad no matter how many times I recall it. All the more reason I find myself trying my hardest to track his habits, take his picture, and capture what I can of his cute personality on camera before this time, too, passes all too quickly as all the other phases have.

Since most of the heavy work with our jobs took place at the beginning of the month, Nate and I luckily had some PTO to burn the last few weeks of the year and were able to take advantage of some down time and enjoy the respite from our "go all day" norm. We began to love this and I think Aiden did, too, as he was sleeping in till 8 most mornings - can I say PRAISE JESUS for this!? :) Those without children will probably not ever really "get" this, but to have your little one make the jump from a 6:30 wake up call to 8 am is such an ever-loving thing to behold and appreciate. It made our transition to Christmas all the more lovely. I spent my days with my boys buying last minute gifts and decorating and my nights wrapping gifts and baking, two of my favorite holiday pasttimes. It was a lovely time. I love wrapping gifts. It brings back memories of when you purchased it and why, and then you get to wrap it with careful attention to detail, and tie it all up with a simple or overzealous bow...both of which have their value, repsectively. It is both a soothing and memorable time for me each year and makes me remember how very much I love giving and why I ask continually for the resources to be able to do so with whatever means I can over the course of my lifetime.

Before I knew it Christmas week was upon us. At the last minute, my family decided to come visit for a few days, making our Christmas celebration a bit more full and complete...in that we were able to share it with others and appreciate some QT. The week flew by. We visited with friends on Christmas Eve at a little shin dig in the 'hood and had a great time meeting and enjoying the company of others before coming home and diving into a few of our Christmas traditions. One of which is opening one gift from our Poage relatives since they celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day. I found myself up until nearly midnight putting together and wrapping the last of Aiden's big and little gifts...and realized this would be the first of many nights I (and Nathan) would spend being up until all hours of the night preparing for the festivities of the next day for our little ones. Before we could blink Christmas morning was here and we were off and celebrating. Luckily, we were able to take it S-L-O-W since Aiden is in the mode of "open and play for a while" with his gifts (rather than the open and ask "that's it?" - which I do NOT look forward to). I hope he always appreciates the time and pleasure in opening each gift...though I know there will be years when quantity seems to matter so much more. (sigh). It was such a joy for me to see the utter joy and amazement on his face after opening each gift - it was like he had just opened the BEST THING EVER...EVERY TIME! How quickly we forget the innocence found in these precious moments. It allowed me to breathe deep his joy and excitement over the course of our three-hour open-fest prior to a brunch of homemade cinnamon rolls and breakfast casserole.

And then, another blink, and Christmas Day was ending. After a fabulous (if I do say so myself) Christmas dinner - really my first complete feast! - Nathan and I headed out to our traditional Christmas movie (and date night). What a nice and relaxing way to complete this nearly perfect day full of love, laughter, giving, joy, eating, and others.

We were off in the cold post-Christmas weather to get our discounted Christmas wares for next year and enjoy one last meal before sending Mimi and Pops on their merry way. We were blessed to have the help in caring for Aiden...they played SO HARD with the little guy and kept him going in his typical non-stop fashion for us for nearly their entire trip. He loves them and the fun they bring to the house every visit. How hard it is to believe at this time next year Aiden will be nearly 2 and a half and we'll be toting around a 9 month old baby girl. Whew! I get stressed and tired just thinking about maintaining that! Nevertheless, how much more joy will be found in those moments of the four of us? I'm sure countless. I hope you all took time to appreciate the big and small things in this Christmas season. I know I find myself grateful, full, and in anxious anticipation of what 2010 will hold. I am holding on tightly to the last few days of 2009 and enjoying every minute of rest and love shared in this little house of ours.

Aiden listening to Mommy's tummy...and what is inside!

Aiden and his daddy...two of a kind! Stuffing face with Christmas brunch while we open gifts! :) Hungry, growing boy!
Playing with his music table and making sure EVERYONE is clapping along. If you don't clap, he stares you down until you do! Really!!
Our tree and "family" decor! My sweet boy shared his tricycle with the twins down the street, Chase and Lily, and even pushed Chase while he rode. Such a giver!! Boogs decided to put on a pair of mommy's Uggs. He wore them around trying to walk for a good half hour. So funny!
This little towel came from Aiden..they made it at school and he came home with it on his last day. I love that I can have the memory of his foot at this stage! I might do this for grandparent gifts next year from my kids. Such a sweet rememberance! :)

Aiden made Santa's List- It's the NICE list this year...HOORAY!

"http://family.go.com/santas-list/video/111734-karatabler/"